he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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