just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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