After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize