In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
