so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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