i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think I am morally bankrupt
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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