There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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