u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
