it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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