Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
