im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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