sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just forgot I was standing up.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
