there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
