No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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