So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
