I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
