I think im going to throw up on grandma
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
vagina is talking i cant
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
