I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
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I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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