The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
