I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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