I forgot how hot balto sounded
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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