My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i drank out of a bidet.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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