My Higher Power is John Stamos
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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