So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
