Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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