Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
