In the future we'll all be gay
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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