allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Non-Jews are for practice
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
