Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Please don't give away my fajitas
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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