Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think your dad took our porno
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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