You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
