As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
