she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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