i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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