my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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