my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Drake has all the answers
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
