do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize