Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
