quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
