The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
