I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I cannot find my penis.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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