Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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