my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We got so high we made milksteak
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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