My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Drunk is not a location!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
