Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
