he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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