Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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