his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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