come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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