You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
