then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
