And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
