3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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