I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
