True but thats because hes a fetus.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
