I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
