Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
