So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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