if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
the gays at disneyland are vicious
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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