You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
