Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize