i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
