but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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